1 00:00:00,358 --> 00:00:03,925 Social media can be confusing if you're super old and dumb. 2 00:00:03,978 --> 00:00:06,121 Why did you just favorite that tweet? She called you ugly. 3 00:00:06,168 --> 00:00:07,268 Because she's a hater. 4 00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:09,439 I love my haters. They make me famous. 5 00:00:09,486 --> 00:00:11,921 - You're not famous. - I am in the Twitterverse. 6 00:00:11,989 --> 00:00:13,222 I see. And your favorite thing 7 00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:14,690 is when people insult your looks? 8 00:00:14,758 --> 00:00:16,259 Well, it's not my favorite thing. 9 00:00:16,326 --> 00:00:17,693 Yet, you're favorited it. 10 00:00:17,761 --> 00:00:19,996 Favoriting an insult is a way of showing it doesn't hurt you. 11 00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,731 But it should hurt you. 12 00:00:21,799 --> 00:00:24,000 And maybe if I was still ugly, it would. 13 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:26,369 Having haters online means that you made it. 14 00:00:26,437 --> 00:00:29,305 Okay, but having haters in real life means that people hate you. 15 00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:55,872 I'm sorry, but did you see what she was wearing? 16 00:00:55,904 --> 00:00:58,339 I have cotton briefs that cover more. 17 00:00:58,406 --> 00:01:00,074 I can't believe H.R. hasn't cited her 18 00:01:00,141 --> 00:01:01,480 for inappropriate office attire. 19 00:01:01,511 --> 00:01:04,190 Please... she's probably slept with everyone in H.R. 20 00:01:04,221 --> 00:01:06,472 How do you think she got to be the number-one sales rep? 21 00:01:06,509 --> 00:01:08,483 You're killing me! 22 00:01:09,776 --> 00:01:11,377 Can't be that funny. 23 00:01:11,445 --> 00:01:13,045 It's like, "hey, there, sweet potato. I'm on to you. 24 00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:14,113 "You're not a French fry, 25 00:01:14,181 --> 00:01:15,281 stop showing up with my burger." 26 00:01:16,799 --> 00:01:19,989 You're hilarious. You should be president. 27 00:01:20,027 --> 00:01:22,889 Eliza, may I speak with you for a moment in my office? 28 00:01:32,143 --> 00:01:34,629 - Charlie, hold my calls. - Uh, no one called. 29 00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:36,599 Good. Let's keep it that way. 30 00:01:36,673 --> 00:01:39,097 I can't control who calls the office. 31 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,297 Charlie, I beg. 32 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,302 Okay. 33 00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:45,337 Okay. 34 00:01:50,216 --> 00:01:51,774 What do you think you were doing out there 35 00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,979 with that guy from business affairs? 36 00:01:54,029 --> 00:01:55,350 Guys like it when you laugh at their jokes 37 00:01:55,362 --> 00:01:56,496 and make them feel powerful. 38 00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:58,182 President... like that guy could be president. 39 00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:00,685 You're right. Oh, God, you're so smart. 40 00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:02,681 You know, you should be on the supreme court. 41 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,285 Well, I do consider myself fair and impart... 42 00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:06,930 That is not gonna work on me. 43 00:02:06,955 --> 00:02:09,060 And while we're at it, do you think that these tight tights 44 00:02:09,098 --> 00:02:10,892 and those short shorts and those high high heels 45 00:02:10,905 --> 00:02:12,450 are appropriate office attire? 46 00:02:12,475 --> 00:02:14,617 You sound like Joan and the fuggalos. 47 00:02:14,618 --> 00:02:16,101 Eliza, this isn't the Twitterverse. 48 00:02:16,138 --> 00:02:19,004 You have to think about how you are perceived in this office. 49 00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:20,839 No, I have to think about how I'm perceived 50 00:02:20,906 --> 00:02:22,989 outside this office, which is hot, 51 00:02:23,026 --> 00:02:24,876 which is what helps me sell drugs to repressed, old doctors, 52 00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:26,978 which is how I got to be the number-one sales rep. 53 00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:28,647 Well, people are gonna get the wrong impression. 54 00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:30,315 When you dress like this and you act like this... 55 00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:32,784 People are gonna assume 56 00:02:32,852 --> 00:02:35,186 that you're sleeping with president sweet potato. 57 00:02:35,254 --> 00:02:36,554 I am sleeping with him. 58 00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:38,189 I sleep with him all the time. 59 00:02:38,257 --> 00:02:41,031 - Since when? - Let me check. 60 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,595 Oh, here. 61 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,468 First text from Freddy... "You are hotter 62 00:02:45,493 --> 00:02:48,496 than the bottom of my laptop"... 2 1/2 weeks ago. 63 00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:50,835 2... 2 1/2 weeks ago, and you're already intimate? 64 00:02:50,903 --> 00:02:51,870 "Intimate"? 65 00:02:51,937 --> 00:02:54,205 Is that how old people say "sex"? 66 00:02:54,243 --> 00:02:56,386 No. Yes. 67 00:02:56,423 --> 00:02:58,467 Eliza, this is your second office relationship 68 00:02:58,517 --> 00:03:00,512 in the short time that I've known you. 69 00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:02,394 And I use the word "relationship" very loosely. 70 00:03:02,444 --> 00:03:03,977 Okay, don't get all slut-shamey on me 71 00:03:04,014 --> 00:03:05,817 just 'cause you don't get my generation. 72 00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:08,139 It just so happens we're a lot more cas about sex 73 00:03:08,176 --> 00:03:09,688 than you baby boomers. 74 00:03:09,755 --> 00:03:12,110 I'm not a... I'm not a baby boomer. 75 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:13,069 Yes, you are. 76 00:03:13,094 --> 00:03:15,649 I fall squarely within the parameters of generation "x," 77 00:03:15,711 --> 00:03:16,807 thank you very much. 78 00:03:16,845 --> 00:03:18,216 But, Henry, this is one area 79 00:03:18,253 --> 00:03:20,994 where I'm not sure you should be advising me... 80 00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:23,638 I mean, you're so out of touch, you're not even on Facebook. 81 00:03:23,651 --> 00:03:25,532 Hey, I'd rather be out of touch 82 00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:28,124 than touching everything that walks. 83 00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:35,747 See? 84 00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,916 It hurts when girls don't laugh at your jokes. 85 00:03:38,981 --> 00:03:41,224 Eliza, you... you asked me 86 00:03:41,274 --> 00:03:43,322 to help you cultivate meaningful relationships. 87 00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:45,490 Is that what you think you're doing with Freddy? 88 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,784 Could be. 89 00:03:46,821 --> 00:03:48,660 Do you two ever make advance plans? 90 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,161 Kind of. 91 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:54,299 _ 92 00:03:54,366 --> 00:03:56,968 Have you and Freddy ever been on an actual date? 93 00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,536 Basically. 94 00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:04,117 _ 95 00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:06,211 Come on, Eliza. 96 00:04:06,278 --> 00:04:09,314 Have you and Freddy even been outside together? 97 00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:11,015 For the most part. 98 00:04:12,918 --> 00:04:14,619 Does his wraparound terrace count? 99 00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:21,630 I hate to break it to you, but I'm gonna. 100 00:04:22,976 --> 00:04:25,892 You are what Jamie Foxx and other men of my generation 101 00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,147 refer to as a Booty call. 102 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,854 And if your behavior persists, 103 00:04:29,892 --> 00:04:31,588 that is all you will ever be. 104 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:33,644 Whatevs. 105 00:04:33,656 --> 00:04:36,572 If I wanted more, there could totally be more. 106 00:04:36,622 --> 00:04:38,902 But the truth is, I wasn't so sure, 107 00:04:38,927 --> 00:04:40,608 so I decided to feel Freddy out 108 00:04:40,646 --> 00:04:42,515 after he was done feeling me up. 109 00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:45,979 Welcome. 110 00:04:48,833 --> 00:04:51,990 Hey, uh, what do you think of our relation thingy? 111 00:04:52,057 --> 00:04:53,980 I think it's awesome. 112 00:04:54,030 --> 00:04:55,625 How many favorites my "sweet potato" tweet got? 113 00:04:55,637 --> 00:04:56,796 Six. 114 00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:59,164 But seriously, would you ever want to, like, 115 00:04:59,201 --> 00:05:02,756 go outside... With me? 116 00:05:03,230 --> 00:05:05,370 Hmm. Never really thought about it. 117 00:05:05,437 --> 00:05:08,912 Guess I, uh, kind of like what we have inside. 118 00:05:10,619 --> 00:05:12,811 Hey. 119 00:05:12,878 --> 00:05:15,213 Want to take an after-sex pic? 120 00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:16,614 Sure. 121 00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:23,188 Eardrops. 122 00:05:23,255 --> 00:05:26,354 Hear-drops. No more teardrops with eardrops. 123 00:05:26,404 --> 00:05:27,824 Don't fear drops. 124 00:05:27,887 --> 00:05:30,030 The ear pops. The pain stops. 125 00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:32,647 Sir? Uh, my parents are in town. 126 00:05:32,672 --> 00:05:35,184 Charlie, it's back to square one now. 127 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,101 I don't hear my voice... I only hear your voice. 128 00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:39,334 Should we just these "my parents are in town" drops? 129 00:05:39,384 --> 00:05:41,091 Does that sound like a good name? 130 00:05:42,848 --> 00:05:44,275 Just kidding. You can go now. 131 00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:46,578 But you really did ruin my train of thought. 132 00:05:46,645 --> 00:05:49,047 Okay. 133 00:05:52,718 --> 00:05:54,686 Eardrops. 134 00:05:54,753 --> 00:05:55,720 F... 135 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,288 What are you still doing here? 136 00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:58,823 Here? Work. I'm working. 137 00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:00,158 What are you doing here? 138 00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:02,660 Oh, well, we are pre-partying down in the lab. 139 00:06:02,728 --> 00:06:04,195 You coming tonight? 140 00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:05,396 It's Sharon from I.T.'S birthday. 141 00:06:05,464 --> 00:06:07,232 Oh. Uh, no, I got work to do... 142 00:06:07,299 --> 00:06:09,861 Plus, uh, I don't really know Sharon, so I wasn't invited. 143 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,431 Nobody knows Sharon. 144 00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:13,471 She's just an idea. 145 00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:17,575 I'm sorry. I am really drunk. 146 00:06:17,612 --> 00:06:19,444 Um, everybody knows Sharon, 147 00:06:19,482 --> 00:06:21,746 and she sent out a Facebook invite. 148 00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,918 - Oh. I'm not on Facebook. - Wait. 149 00:06:23,955 --> 00:06:26,454 How do you know who from high school's gotten ugly? 150 00:06:26,504 --> 00:06:29,320 You're just walking around, not knowing who's ugly? 151 00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:32,223 I-I have my suspicions. 152 00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:34,105 Uh... 153 00:06:34,168 --> 00:06:36,058 Henry's not on Facebook. You know that? 154 00:06:36,108 --> 00:06:37,590 - What?! - I'm on... I'm on Linkedin! 155 00:06:37,615 --> 00:06:38,874 Did you tell them I'm on Linkedin? 156 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,065 - Oh, don't make it worse. - No. 157 00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:43,034 - Uh, no. - I have a Linkedin profi... 158 00:06:52,484 --> 00:06:54,901 All right. Fine. 159 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,331 Let's see who got ugly. 160 00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:00,018 Wow. 161 00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:03,955 Smelly Terry from camp really turned it around. 162 00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:04,884 Is that his wife? 163 00:07:04,921 --> 00:07:07,325 My God! She looks like a boat-show model. 164 00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:09,270 Maybe 'cause she's standing on a boat. 165 00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:12,664 Mm. Smelly Terry has a boat. 166 00:07:12,731 --> 00:07:15,199 Geez. 167 00:07:22,548 --> 00:07:25,750 My first friend is my mom, just like in life. 168 00:07:27,108 --> 00:07:31,425 Facebook... mildly entertaining, certainly not all-consuming. 169 00:07:31,474 --> 00:07:35,253 Who will save your soul 170 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:39,724 if you won't save your own? 171 00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:46,631 Yes! I've always felt that. 172 00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:49,067 Okay, you were right. 173 00:07:49,134 --> 00:07:50,753 Freddy doesn't want to go outside with me. 174 00:07:50,790 --> 00:07:52,709 He just likes what we have inside, 175 00:07:52,784 --> 00:07:55,873 which means you and Jamie Foxx have a point. 176 00:07:55,941 --> 00:07:57,342 Are you okay? 177 00:07:57,409 --> 00:08:00,678 Mm. Yes. I was just up all night working... 178 00:08:00,746 --> 00:08:03,047 Here at work, on work stuff. 179 00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:04,048 Well, work on me. 180 00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,450 Should I be trying 181 00:08:05,517 --> 00:08:07,285 to get Freddy to take me more seriously or whatever? 182 00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,654 I mean, I'm fine with the Booty-call status for now, 183 00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:12,357 but at some point, I'm gonna want to be first lady, you know? 184 00:08:12,424 --> 00:08:13,691 To president sweet potato? 185 00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:14,959 Not necessarily. 186 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,494 I just want to know that I'm on the ballot. 187 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:18,029 First ladies aren't on the ballot. 188 00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,998 Well, it's just an honor to be nominated. 189 00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:22,400 Oh, God. If you're serious, 190 00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:24,569 stop responding when he texts, "'sup?" 191 00:08:24,636 --> 00:08:26,137 If he wants to know 'sup, 192 00:08:26,205 --> 00:08:28,873 he can stop by your desk and form a full sentence. 193 00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,208 Totes. 194 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,378 Ally. 195 00:08:35,394 --> 00:08:36,378 No. 196 00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,150 He needs to know 'sup. 197 00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:41,152 No. 198 00:08:48,994 --> 00:08:51,662 That was for my mom, I swear. 199 00:08:54,217 --> 00:08:55,586 You have to break the cycle. 200 00:08:55,654 --> 00:08:57,321 Freddy will never see you any differently 201 00:08:57,389 --> 00:08:59,090 if you keep sexting and sucking on pens... 202 00:08:59,158 --> 00:09:00,324 What are you doing sucking on that pen like that? 203 00:09:00,392 --> 00:09:02,627 That is toxic. 204 00:09:02,694 --> 00:09:03,828 Sorry. 205 00:09:03,896 --> 00:09:05,663 I thought Freddy was looking over here. 206 00:09:05,731 --> 00:09:07,498 That's exactly what I'm talking about... 207 00:09:07,566 --> 00:09:09,667 Not everything you do should center around Freddy. 208 00:09:09,735 --> 00:09:11,736 You have to foster other interests, 209 00:09:11,804 --> 00:09:13,004 think about other things. 210 00:09:13,071 --> 00:09:14,472 What were you doing before you two got together? 211 00:09:14,540 --> 00:09:17,675 Oh, um, I-I think I was doing... 212 00:09:17,743 --> 00:09:19,610 Troy? 213 00:09:19,678 --> 00:09:20,678 Oh, God. 214 00:09:20,746 --> 00:09:22,447 You need to become the kind of person 215 00:09:22,514 --> 00:09:25,883 who doesn't spend all her time thinking about the opposite sex. 216 00:09:25,951 --> 00:09:28,352 So, like, a lesbian? 217 00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:31,055 No. Just a person with varied interests. 218 00:09:31,123 --> 00:09:32,824 Oh. Like, what interests? Can you be more specific? 219 00:09:32,891 --> 00:09:34,692 Like, any interests... 220 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,496 Science, politics, woodworking, books, nature... 221 00:09:38,564 --> 00:09:41,299 Literally anything besides fixating on men. 222 00:09:41,366 --> 00:09:43,167 Find a hobby. Join a club. 223 00:09:43,235 --> 00:09:46,070 I knew just where to start... 224 00:09:46,138 --> 00:09:50,274 With my neighbor Bryn, who ran a book club for adult virgins. 225 00:09:50,342 --> 00:09:51,442 Bryn? 226 00:09:51,510 --> 00:09:53,911 Girl, I haven't seen you in forevs. 227 00:09:53,979 --> 00:09:55,580 I saw you at the mailboxes yesterday. 228 00:09:55,647 --> 00:09:58,049 You dropped all your Victoria's secret catalogs on the floor, 229 00:09:58,116 --> 00:10:00,518 even though there's a recycling bin right there. 230 00:10:00,586 --> 00:10:01,719 You should have said hi. 231 00:10:01,787 --> 00:10:03,454 So, I've been thinking a lot about you 232 00:10:03,522 --> 00:10:05,089 and your interests and your hobbies, 233 00:10:05,157 --> 00:10:07,992 and it's weird we aren't closer, 234 00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:09,093 given how much we have in common. 235 00:10:09,161 --> 00:10:10,361 How much who has in common? 236 00:10:10,429 --> 00:10:11,429 You and I. 237 00:10:11,497 --> 00:10:13,564 Like, that book you're reading, 238 00:10:13,632 --> 00:10:16,767 "The curious incident of the dog in the night-time"... 239 00:10:16,835 --> 00:10:18,069 I'm reading that, too. 240 00:10:18,136 --> 00:10:19,837 - You're reading? - Yeah. 241 00:10:19,905 --> 00:10:21,172 Yeah, with the dog 242 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,941 and the night-time and the curiosity 243 00:10:24,009 --> 00:10:26,577 and, like, the incident and the dog of it all. 244 00:10:26,645 --> 00:10:29,146 I'd love to talk way more about it sometime. 245 00:10:29,214 --> 00:10:30,548 - You would? - Yeah. 246 00:10:30,616 --> 00:10:33,150 There's a lot of stuff you guys don't know about me. 247 00:10:33,218 --> 00:10:34,819 What do you think, Bryn? 248 00:10:34,887 --> 00:10:37,870 No one's ever asked to be in your book club before. 249 00:10:39,091 --> 00:10:41,792 Be at my place tomorrow night, 8:00 P.M. 250 00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:42,994 Oh, my God. Thank you. 251 00:10:43,061 --> 00:10:44,395 I will definitely be there 252 00:10:44,463 --> 00:10:46,097 instead of having sex with someone. 253 00:10:46,164 --> 00:10:47,064 Thanks. 254 00:10:47,132 --> 00:10:48,032 Okay. 255 00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:49,567 While I was picking up a book, 256 00:10:49,635 --> 00:10:51,736 Henry was trying to resist the one book 257 00:10:51,803 --> 00:10:54,438 that's impossible to put down. 258 00:10:54,506 --> 00:10:56,107 He was figuring out what every grandmother 259 00:10:56,174 --> 00:10:59,377 had figured out four years ago... Facebook is crack. 260 00:11:05,617 --> 00:11:07,552 Go on and turn up 261 00:11:07,619 --> 00:11:08,786 that bass-line selector! 262 00:11:08,854 --> 00:11:11,622 Really, Charlie? Palm Springs with a fake patois? 263 00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:14,625 Me know your parents not in town. 264 00:11:14,693 --> 00:11:15,793 Henry? We're facetime'ing. 265 00:11:15,861 --> 00:11:17,128 Oh, yeah, how about that? 266 00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:19,864 Um, so I just wanted you to know that I took your advice, 267 00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:21,032 and I joined a book club. 268 00:11:21,099 --> 00:11:22,500 I'm at the salvation army right now 269 00:11:22,568 --> 00:11:24,669 looking for an asexual ensemble to wear while reading. 270 00:11:24,736 --> 00:11:25,870 What do you think of this? 271 00:11:25,938 --> 00:11:27,238 Shouldn't you be reading the book 272 00:11:27,306 --> 00:11:28,706 instead of worrying about what to wear 273 00:11:28,774 --> 00:11:29,840 while reading the book? 274 00:11:29,908 --> 00:11:31,976 Well, I'm eight pages in. It's not good. 275 00:11:32,044 --> 00:11:33,844 Oh, but I forgot to tell you... 276 00:11:33,912 --> 00:11:36,047 I haven't responded to Freddy all day, 277 00:11:36,114 --> 00:11:38,516 and he texted me like five times last night. 278 00:11:38,584 --> 00:11:41,052 It's like, desperate much? 279 00:11:41,119 --> 00:11:42,687 Why does my mom keep poking me? 280 00:11:42,754 --> 00:11:45,356 Hey, are you... are you on Facebook right now? 281 00:11:45,424 --> 00:11:48,526 Okay, so, I might have also taken your advice 282 00:11:48,594 --> 00:11:51,395 and engaged in some light Facebook-ery. 283 00:11:51,463 --> 00:11:53,097 Oh, that is so cute! 284 00:11:53,165 --> 00:11:55,066 Look at you, using Facebook on your desktop 285 00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:56,334 like it's 2011 again. 286 00:11:56,401 --> 00:11:58,369 You know there's an app... Right?... for your phone. 287 00:11:58,437 --> 00:12:00,371 Really? 288 00:12:00,439 --> 00:12:04,442 On my phone... What a waste of time. 289 00:12:04,509 --> 00:12:05,576 Well, have fun. 290 00:12:05,644 --> 00:12:06,711 Just don't start stalking your exes. 291 00:12:06,778 --> 00:12:08,846 You don't want to go down that rabbit hole. 292 00:12:08,914 --> 00:12:09,847 Trust. 293 00:12:09,915 --> 00:12:12,516 Oh, I trust... Me not to do that. 294 00:12:12,584 --> 00:12:13,551 Okay. 295 00:12:13,619 --> 00:12:16,120 Well, read your book. Bye, Eliza. 296 00:12:16,188 --> 00:12:17,154 B... 297 00:12:17,222 --> 00:12:18,756 But it was too late. 298 00:12:18,824 --> 00:12:21,192 Once the option of stalking your exes is presented, 299 00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:22,560 - you can't not do it. - Oh. 300 00:12:22,628 --> 00:12:23,894 - It's like crack. - Ohh. 301 00:12:23,962 --> 00:12:26,397 It's weird how much stuff is like crack. 302 00:12:26,465 --> 00:12:28,933 Olivia had a baby? 303 00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:30,001 What's that? 304 00:12:30,068 --> 00:12:33,304 Why's my name... Why am I a baby? 305 00:12:33,372 --> 00:12:34,605 What? 306 00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:37,241 No, no, no, no. 307 00:12:37,309 --> 00:12:38,876 No. No. 308 00:12:38,944 --> 00:12:44,181 No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No. 309 00:12:44,249 --> 00:12:45,750 Undo, damn it. 310 00:12:45,817 --> 00:12:47,551 Undo. 311 00:12:47,619 --> 00:12:50,354 You undo, damn it. 312 00:12:53,358 --> 00:12:55,493 She's not. 313 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:56,994 Did you guys already start? 314 00:12:57,062 --> 00:12:58,429 I got hung up at goodwill. 315 00:12:58,497 --> 00:13:00,464 You look amazing. 316 00:13:00,532 --> 00:13:02,733 Sorry if I smell like dead people. 317 00:13:02,801 --> 00:13:04,201 We all do. 318 00:13:04,269 --> 00:13:05,670 That's how you know it's vintage. 319 00:13:05,737 --> 00:13:07,838 Okay. 320 00:13:07,906 --> 00:13:10,274 Ah, ah, ah. 321 00:13:10,342 --> 00:13:11,709 No cellphones at book club. 322 00:13:11,777 --> 00:13:13,010 Silent, please. 323 00:13:13,078 --> 00:13:14,845 I'm sorry. 324 00:13:14,913 --> 00:13:17,782 - Homemade pop-tart? - You made these? 325 00:13:17,849 --> 00:13:19,116 It's really not that hard. 326 00:13:19,184 --> 00:13:20,885 You just need your standard flaky pastry recipe, 327 00:13:20,952 --> 00:13:22,420 a double boiler to make the filling. 328 00:13:22,487 --> 00:13:24,522 I did chocolate hazelnut and raspberry minted walnut. 329 00:13:24,589 --> 00:13:25,823 Then, you know, a fluted cutting wheel, 330 00:13:25,891 --> 00:13:28,292 parchment, and, of course, baking sheets. 331 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,094 But they also have them at gelson's 332 00:13:30,162 --> 00:13:31,729 and sometimes even rite aid. 333 00:13:31,797 --> 00:13:33,831 Or is that not the point? 334 00:13:33,899 --> 00:13:36,367 Okay, ladies, let's get this book club started. 335 00:13:36,435 --> 00:13:38,269 I'd like to throw it to Bryn. 336 00:13:38,336 --> 00:13:39,270 Bryn? 337 00:13:39,337 --> 00:13:40,871 I would like to begin 338 00:13:40,939 --> 00:13:44,241 by expressing how struck I remain 339 00:13:44,309 --> 00:13:46,243 by Haddon's use of language. 340 00:13:46,311 --> 00:13:49,547 Why is your bookmark only like two pages in? 341 00:13:49,614 --> 00:13:53,250 Oh, uh, well, actually, it's eight pages in, 342 00:13:53,318 --> 00:13:55,219 so no spoilers. 343 00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:56,420 I knew she didn't read the book. 344 00:13:56,488 --> 00:13:58,222 Give me that pop-tart back. 345 00:13:58,290 --> 00:14:01,092 Eliza. 346 00:14:02,194 --> 00:14:03,828 Is this a "Jerry Maguire" moment? 347 00:14:05,163 --> 00:14:07,064 I have been in this book club for three years, 348 00:14:07,132 --> 00:14:09,400 and she gets a "Jerry Maguire" moment on her first night? 349 00:14:09,468 --> 00:14:11,368 Uh, Henry, what are you doing here? 350 00:14:11,436 --> 00:14:13,604 Is it that she completes you? 351 00:14:13,672 --> 00:14:15,206 No, it's that I tagged myself 352 00:14:15,273 --> 00:14:17,908 as an ex-girlfriend's breast-feeding baby on Facebook. 353 00:14:17,976 --> 00:14:20,605 Did somebody die in here? 354 00:14:23,081 --> 00:14:24,348 Could we... Can I... 355 00:14:24,416 --> 00:14:25,282 Yeah. 356 00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:28,519 There's a... 357 00:14:28,587 --> 00:14:30,488 - I don't want to say, "I told you so." - But you told me so. 358 00:14:30,555 --> 00:14:31,689 There. That's done. 359 00:14:31,757 --> 00:14:32,957 Now, please, untag me. 360 00:14:34,126 --> 00:14:35,926 Untagged. 361 00:14:35,994 --> 00:14:37,194 Thank you! 362 00:14:37,262 --> 00:14:38,996 Thank you. 363 00:14:39,064 --> 00:14:40,698 Maybe she didn't see it. 364 00:14:40,766 --> 00:14:42,700 No. Yeah. She definitely saw it. 365 00:14:42,768 --> 00:14:43,801 You get an alert. 366 00:14:43,869 --> 00:14:44,969 An ale... An alert? 367 00:14:45,036 --> 00:14:46,337 Why would they do that? 368 00:14:46,404 --> 00:14:47,605 To keep track of the pervs? 369 00:14:47,672 --> 00:14:49,306 See, this is why I didn't want to join Facebook. 370 00:14:49,374 --> 00:14:50,541 Because you knew you'd act like a perv? 371 00:14:50,609 --> 00:14:51,542 J.K. 372 00:14:51,610 --> 00:14:52,910 Oh, just text her "J.K." 373 00:14:52,978 --> 00:14:54,345 No. No. 374 00:14:54,412 --> 00:14:56,046 More impersonal communication that can be easily misconstrued 375 00:14:56,114 --> 00:14:57,047 is not the answer. 376 00:14:57,115 --> 00:14:58,616 That's how I got into this mess. 377 00:14:58,683 --> 00:15:00,885 - I'm going in. - Wait. 378 00:15:00,952 --> 00:15:02,419 Henry, I think these girls are on to me. 379 00:15:02,487 --> 00:15:03,788 And truth told, I hated the book. 380 00:15:03,855 --> 00:15:04,955 And hanging out with these nonsexual, 381 00:15:05,023 --> 00:15:06,423 farm-to-table mini-grandmas 382 00:15:06,491 --> 00:15:08,459 is not keeping my mind off Freddy, who keeps texting me. 383 00:15:08,527 --> 00:15:10,795 Eliza, my ex thinks I have a lactating fetish. 384 00:15:10,862 --> 00:15:12,129 Can we regroup on this? 385 00:15:12,197 --> 00:15:14,565 - Yeah. - Yeah. 386 00:15:16,568 --> 00:15:19,403 Hey. 387 00:15:21,502 --> 00:15:23,346 Thanks for agreeing to see me, Olivia. 388 00:15:23,371 --> 00:15:25,564 Henry, what's going on? You broke up with me. 389 00:15:25,627 --> 00:15:26,694 Three years pass. 390 00:15:26,762 --> 00:15:28,162 I haven't talked to you since then, 391 00:15:28,230 --> 00:15:30,298 until you tag yourself as my breast-feeding baby on Facebook. 392 00:15:31,185 --> 00:15:32,619 I know it's weird. 393 00:15:32,687 --> 00:15:34,721 That's why I wanted to come over here in person 394 00:15:34,789 --> 00:15:36,857 to explain that it was an accident. 395 00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:39,025 I didn't want you to think I was... 396 00:15:39,093 --> 00:15:40,093 What? 397 00:15:40,161 --> 00:15:41,495 That you were thinking about me? 398 00:15:41,562 --> 00:15:42,596 Don't worry. 399 00:15:42,663 --> 00:15:44,297 No, no. 400 00:15:44,365 --> 00:15:46,733 I was thinking about you, just not in that way. 401 00:15:46,801 --> 00:15:48,135 In what way, then? 402 00:15:48,202 --> 00:15:51,438 No, in an, um, "I wonder how she's doing. 403 00:15:51,506 --> 00:15:53,607 I hope she's well," way. 404 00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:55,108 Oh, well, I'm great. Yeah. 405 00:15:55,176 --> 00:15:57,911 The minute I realized you were never gonna care about me 406 00:15:57,979 --> 00:16:00,814 as much as your job, I moved on. 407 00:16:00,882 --> 00:16:03,016 I met a really great guy. 408 00:16:03,084 --> 00:16:05,385 - Great. - And you? 409 00:16:05,453 --> 00:16:08,054 - You look good. - Oh. 410 00:16:08,122 --> 00:16:09,189 Last time I saw you, 411 00:16:09,257 --> 00:16:10,824 you were rocking those frosted tips. 412 00:16:10,892 --> 00:16:12,359 I frosted one tip. 413 00:16:12,426 --> 00:16:13,994 Because you loved Mark McGrath. 414 00:16:14,061 --> 00:16:15,629 I didn't love Mark McGrath... I admired his resilience. 415 00:16:15,696 --> 00:16:16,830 Mm. 416 00:16:16,898 --> 00:16:18,465 Pop culture asked him to leave, and instead, 417 00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:20,500 he rose like a Phoenix from the ashes of Sugar Ray. 418 00:16:20,568 --> 00:16:21,635 Ohh. 419 00:16:21,702 --> 00:16:24,171 I take it you're still single. 420 00:16:24,238 --> 00:16:26,940 Yes, yes. For the moment, I am. 421 00:16:27,008 --> 00:16:29,910 Um... Better get cracking, though. 422 00:16:29,977 --> 00:16:31,111 According to Facebook, 423 00:16:31,179 --> 00:16:33,480 every single person I know is married with kids. 424 00:16:33,548 --> 00:16:34,648 When did that happen? 425 00:16:34,715 --> 00:16:36,716 Probably when you were at the office. 426 00:16:39,056 --> 00:16:41,858 After Bryn's book whores kicked me out of their nerd club, 427 00:16:41,925 --> 00:16:43,926 I had no choice but to eat my feelings, 428 00:16:43,994 --> 00:16:46,596 - which were covered in... - Mochi. And kiwi. 429 00:16:46,663 --> 00:16:49,499 Just five gummy bears... Red ones. 430 00:16:49,566 --> 00:16:50,533 One green. 431 00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:51,701 And some butterfinger. 432 00:16:51,769 --> 00:16:55,542 Charmonique? Charmonique, it's me. 433 00:16:55,592 --> 00:16:57,693 Eliza, what's with the getup? 434 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,595 Oh, I was just trying to change my image 435 00:16:59,662 --> 00:17:01,797 and be seen as something other than a Booty call. 436 00:17:01,865 --> 00:17:02,898 Oh. 437 00:17:02,966 --> 00:17:04,066 Have a kid. 438 00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:05,500 No one will ever call your Booty again. 439 00:17:05,568 --> 00:17:06,802 Just kidding. 440 00:17:06,870 --> 00:17:09,238 But seriously, it is a deterrent. 441 00:17:09,305 --> 00:17:10,439 Not to everyone. 442 00:17:10,506 --> 00:17:12,574 But to a lot of people. 443 00:17:12,642 --> 00:17:15,878 I'm man poison. 444 00:17:15,945 --> 00:17:17,446 Well, it's cheat day. 445 00:17:17,513 --> 00:17:18,580 Got to get to it. 446 00:17:18,648 --> 00:17:20,749 Cheat day. Of course. 447 00:17:20,817 --> 00:17:22,651 You have to give in to your urges 448 00:17:22,719 --> 00:17:24,553 if you're gonna stay on the diet. 449 00:17:24,621 --> 00:17:27,990 Can I get a half-cake batter, half-mint chocolate cheesecake? 450 00:17:28,057 --> 00:17:29,725 If I have sex with Freddy right now, 451 00:17:29,792 --> 00:17:32,160 it'll give me the strength to not have sex with Freddy 452 00:17:32,228 --> 00:17:33,462 for the rest of the week. 453 00:17:33,529 --> 00:17:36,231 Guuuh! 454 00:17:36,299 --> 00:17:38,934 Besides, if texting Freddy was the wrong thing to do, 455 00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:41,169 I'm sure the universe would give me a sign. 456 00:17:44,941 --> 00:17:47,009 It didn't even hurt. 457 00:17:47,076 --> 00:17:49,645 I'm fi... aah! 458 00:17:51,147 --> 00:17:52,714 The irony of falling into a manhole 459 00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:55,183 while texting Freddy was not lost on me. 460 00:17:56,753 --> 00:17:59,254 Eardrops. Fear drops. 461 00:17:59,322 --> 00:18:02,557 Career drops. 462 00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:04,593 "For the baby you'll never have 463 00:18:04,661 --> 00:18:06,828 because you spend too much time at work" drops. 464 00:18:06,896 --> 00:18:10,399 Henry felt alone, but instead of reaching out to a friend, 465 00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:12,734 he reached for his wireless mouse. 466 00:18:35,692 --> 00:18:38,093 Eliza...What happened? Are you okay? 467 00:18:38,161 --> 00:18:39,561 Oh, it's not a big deal. 468 00:18:39,629 --> 00:18:42,497 I just got hit by a smart car, dislocated my tailbone, 469 00:18:42,565 --> 00:18:44,800 fell down a manhole, fractured my pelvis, 470 00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:47,035 banged my head, got a concussion, saw the white light, 471 00:18:47,103 --> 00:18:49,871 ran into Tupac and Biggie, who squashed it. 472 00:18:49,939 --> 00:18:50,872 I knew they would. 473 00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:56,712 Boy, I'm glad you're okay, 'cause...I was at work, 474 00:18:56,779 --> 00:18:58,947 as usual, and I saw that you were hurt. 475 00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:00,782 And I just, um, I wanted to... 476 00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:02,584 - Freddy? - Hey. 477 00:19:02,652 --> 00:19:04,853 - What are you doing here? - Yeah, what? 478 00:19:04,921 --> 00:19:06,822 Just came by in case they needed someone to identify the Booty. 479 00:19:09,225 --> 00:19:10,625 That was legitimately funny. 480 00:19:10,693 --> 00:19:11,827 Here. 481 00:19:11,894 --> 00:19:13,462 I brought you a charger. Dead phone, right? 482 00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:16,365 That is why you weren't returning my texts. 483 00:19:16,432 --> 00:19:18,033 How about, "Eliza, are you okay? 484 00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,368 I was worried"? 485 00:19:19,435 --> 00:19:20,802 Sorry. 486 00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:24,072 Um, I've just been kind of busy with other interests. 487 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,121 Ow. It hurts to wink. 488 00:19:27,189 --> 00:19:28,389 Subtle. 489 00:19:28,457 --> 00:19:30,258 So, uh, are they gonna let you go home soon? 490 00:19:30,325 --> 00:19:32,660 I could, uh, you know, give you a lift. 491 00:19:32,728 --> 00:19:33,728 Uh, sure. 492 00:19:33,796 --> 00:19:35,296 I mean, I have an aircast on my foot 493 00:19:35,364 --> 00:19:37,331 and I have to be woken up every hour, 494 00:19:37,399 --> 00:19:40,134 but as long as you don't put all your weight 495 00:19:40,202 --> 00:19:41,736 on my fractured pelvis... 496 00:19:41,804 --> 00:19:43,738 Oh. I-I didn't mean to hook up. 497 00:19:43,806 --> 00:19:46,307 I just thought I could drive you to your place, 498 00:19:46,375 --> 00:19:47,809 walk you to your door. 499 00:19:47,876 --> 00:19:50,645 - Outside? - Yeah. 500 00:19:50,712 --> 00:19:52,113 Unless you know another way to get there. 501 00:19:52,181 --> 00:19:54,749 No. No. 502 00:19:54,817 --> 00:19:56,551 Outside is great. 503 00:19:56,618 --> 00:19:59,587 I love that you want to walk outside with me. 504 00:20:02,191 --> 00:20:04,325 Ow. Thumbs-up hurts, too. 505 00:20:04,393 --> 00:20:05,626 You don't have to signal me... 506 00:20:05,694 --> 00:20:07,395 Observing all this in tandem with you. 507 00:20:07,462 --> 00:20:10,231 Ow! 508 00:20:10,299 --> 00:20:11,265 Okay. 509 00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:15,136 Well, I will leave you to it. 510 00:20:15,204 --> 00:20:16,337 Rest up, Eliza. Feel better. 511 00:20:16,405 --> 00:20:18,005 Oh, hey, uh, Henry. 512 00:20:18,073 --> 00:20:20,174 You know you tagged yourself as the bedpan 513 00:20:20,242 --> 00:20:22,113 in my hospital pic, right? 514 00:20:25,314 --> 00:20:27,315 Damn it. I hate Facebook. 515 00:20:29,182 --> 00:20:30,832 I tried to message you on Facebook. 516 00:20:30,869 --> 00:20:31,956 Did you take down your account? 517 00:20:31,994 --> 00:20:35,382 - That's exactly what I did. - Oh, man. Why? 518 00:20:35,423 --> 00:20:37,347 Well, I'm an old-fashioned guy. 519 00:20:37,385 --> 00:20:39,785 I've decided that from now on, if I want to check up on people, 520 00:20:39,797 --> 00:20:41,397 I'm gonna do it the old-fashioned way. 521 00:20:41,423 --> 00:20:43,597 Well, thanks for checking up on me today. 522 00:20:44,847 --> 00:20:46,310 You're most welcome, Eliza. 523 00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:48,114 Now get some sleep. 524 00:20:49,951 --> 00:20:51,727 - And, Eliza. - Yeah? 525 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,664 I'll call you in an hour to wake you up, okay? 526 00:20:54,124 --> 00:20:59,437 Sync and corrections by madhatters www.addic7ed.com 527 00:20:59,487 --> 00:21:04,037 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0